The little things....

It's been too long since I've written.  And each day that passes, I think, "Oh, I will get to it later..." and then 4 months go by, and its embarrassing.  But I have so much going on, so many things to be grateful for, I've decided to write.  I love my husband, and my kids are great.  Work is good and things are happening with my book. I feel like my heart stuff - may be making another comeback.  And I just have a feeling - I'm going to have another surgery soon. Nothing major, but the pain around my pacemaker, its so bad, that I think they are going to have to move it.  This is my 3rd pacemaker, and my first on the right side, under my collarbone.  This has been the most pain I've ever had with a pacemaker.  By days end, I can barely lift my right arm.  Luckily I'm left-handed so that's not been a problem there, but I think its just in a bad space on my body.  What am I gonna do? Probably get a relocation.  I've been googling this all day - and of course, its not exactly a common procedure.  I'm kinda used to that....stay tuned!

Sometimes Your Greatest Journey begins with Coming Home...

This weekend was my 20 year high school reunion.  It was amazing.  Lovely.  Exciting.  Hilarious.  I've spent a lot of time planning it, and stressing over it, and it came and went without any major glitches.  It was a wonderful time.

The 20 years that we've had away from school did nothing to diminish the spirit and the love we all felt for each other, and we still feel. That was the greatest surprise to me.  And the thing I get to walk away from, knowing that it was worth every moment of stress, every time someone on my committee mocked my dedication (if I heard "she runs a tight ship" once, I heard it a thousand times), it was totally worth it.

I even wrote a speech to give that night.  But I didn't do it.  It didn't seem the time, people were in full party mode, and hardly could quiet down for the basic hello announcements.  A speech wouldn't have blended. 

I do want to say one thing about why I do the reunions.  Its two-fold actually, one is my health . The day to day worry of becoming sick, getting over being sick, and what lies ahead.  So, I crave these things.  To make these memories.  To make things COUNT.  Its important to do this.  Its too important not to.  And the second part is what I call the "Mayberry Effect".  As big as we think our hometown of Reston, Virginia is (or was) - we are all still connected.

I live in a neighboring county from our hometown, but that doesn't change how often I actually have interactions with alums, old friends, spouses of classmates, etc.  It happens all the time.  And I know I'm not alone!

A few examples - my husband and I buy our first condo, new construction in Sterling 12 years ago.  Not one but 2 fellow classmates move in the same day, on the same street.  Then I go have open heart surgery 10 years ago.  Who is one of my O/R nurses? The spouse of one of my classmates I've known since kindergarten.  We order newspaper service? Who is the distributor? A classmate.  I go to the OB/GYN after the birth of my son - who is in the waiting room pregnant with her 3rd son? My high school sweethearts wife.  Crazy, right?  No, its the Mayberry Effect.  If you stop and pay attention, you will see these connections all around you.  It's wonderful.

We are still threaded together, in the blanket of memories we made so long ago.  Just last week? I get an email about my press about a new charity I helped start recently, and it says, "Dear Tammy, my name is ......." and yes, its the wife of one of most beloved football coaches when we were at SLHS.  And she's donated their son's clothes to our charity.  Amazing.

So, we are still together, even if not physically.  I will never forget the days there, the friends we made, the love we had, and what we will always carry with us.  And with that, I will see you (fingers crossed) in 5 years class of 1991. 

xoxo Mama Tazz aka Bionic Mommy

PS - the article from www.iammodern.com/tammy-goddard.html  magazine came out.  Its amazing. Much love to you J.

To Missed Opportunities...Happy 12th Love

So, 12 years ago today I married Josh.  I was scared sh**less that day.  On the surface I was all glowy and light, inside I was freakin' out MAN!  But I jumped.  A friend of mine told me that "if I wasn't scared to death on that day, I wasn't taking it seriously enough."  That soothed me.  So, I told myself, she's either a very wise woman, or just as neurotic as me. Either way, I didn't feel so alone in my nerves.  And I did it.

Flash back to sophomore year in High School.  Age 15.  My girlfriend, Christine tells me, "Have you seen Josh Goddard?" I was like, "Who is Josh Goddard?" She said, "He is a baseball player - he is SO hot.  And I want credit for discovering him!!!"  I was all, "Okay, Josh Goddard is hot, big whoop." I knew if he had already been "discovered" a shy girl like me had no chance.  But I did meet him, and he was about as sweet and funny as a 15 year old boy could be.  I thought he was cute, along with everyone else, and I resigned him to the file of "never gonna happen."  I dated one of the other guys in his circle junior and senior year, and was perfectly happy, no complaints. 

Flash forward to 1998. Josh and I remained good friends and resurfaced after my failed engagement when I was 24.  After that engagement, I honestly felt broken, and that I could never know love again.  Wow.  How wrong I was.  We began talking one day and then every day since.  Engaged September 1998.  Married August 1999.  We got married in the 90's!! Feel so old. 

Flash forward to today.  2011.  12 years of marriage, 23 years of friendship, 2 children, 3 houses, 6 heart surgeries (J was there for 5 of them), 2 near death experiences, 3 pacemakers, 2 near foreclosures (same house), and countless laughs, kisses, and hugs, and other things....that you know all about.

And this summer? What do you do? You nominated me for "I am Modern" magazine's most inspirational mother - and of over 450 entries, I get chosen? And now, we are to be featured in a magazine about our story.  You are everything to my story. 

Without you..I would be lost.  Love you so very much. Here's to dozens upon dozens more.

Please Allow Me to Introduce Myself....

My name is Tammy G.  Aka MamaTazz.  Aka Bionic Mommy.  High School Reunion Coordinator. Wife. Mommy.  Hot frigging mess.  Ha ha.  I've been away too long, and you know how it goes, the farther you get from something, the harder it is to get back.  I would compose blog entries in my head, and then nod off...at work. Just kidding.  But I would be composing all these entries everywhere, and then I'd realize, "Oh crap, its been a week since I wrote." Then it became a month, now we are closing in on 2.  I missed my 2nd Blog-o-Versary too!

Things have been busy in Bionic Mommy-land.  My new job is full on.  I am actually at the end of my 90 day "probationary" period.  God, do those things give me fits.  I know I am a good worker, I try my best, and I have nothing to worry about, but I set these unreal expectations for myself, so when I don't meet them (like changing our business name in ALL of our documents in our companies history - at last count over 7000 - in my DOWN time), I give myself grief - meanwhile my supervisors don't even know I've set that goal.  Things like that, you know? But I LOVES my new job.  LOVES it! I'm doing a little of this, a little of that, at Paxton Campus in Leesburg.  Its a non-profit with several organizations on the campus, and I'm helping out with a lot of them.  Eventually I will be a parent advocate for IEPS.  But I love it there.  I actually miss it when I'm not there.  It's great.  And its full of all these characters.  The workers and the kids in the schools on campus.  Fun.

I'm stressing about the reunion.  We are a month away.  I've not lost any of the weight I've wanted to lose.  I'm disappointed in myself for that.  I'm starting to get these messages from people (since I'm the chair).."hey tammy, sorry, I can't make it to the reunion, my cat is dying, i have a paper cut, etc.).  So annoying.  I've been working my ass off these last few years collecting emails, staying in touch, trying to drum up some excitement for the reunion, and the LEAST I can ask is that people actually attend.  It's one thing if you told me 3 years ago - "hey, not interested."  But its another entirely if you've been telling me all along you are coming, only to now, 4 weeks out say, "um, I'm gonna be sick that night."  Really?  Don't even tell me at this point.  I don't want to know.  Surprise me with your lack of interest.  It'll be better for both of us. 

I've had people tell me, "Don't take it personally if people aren't interested."  But since I've PERSONALLY been planning this (and our first one 10 years ago), its kinda hard not to!  I don't expect flowers or gifts for all my work, but I do expect people to actually show up.  That's all I ask. 

Okay.  So maybe that's why I haven't written lately - I'm a little mad about the lack of enthusiasm.  I will be glad when its all over.  But tomorrow? Another day - a great one too - my 12th wedding anniversary with J.  WOW.  To be continued...

Who are you when I'm not looking?

Who are you when I'm not looking?

This is a title of a great song by Blake Shelton.  And in it he talks about his wife, and what kinds of things she does when he's not watching. Like, "does she burn the toast?" Or "does she dance in her socks?" That kind of thing.

But it made me think.  What if we were all doing acts of kindness and intentional goodness when others weren't watching you.  Its easy to be nice and good when people are watching or listening.  But what about when you are on your own?


Yesterday morning I let my dogs out around 6 am.  And our biggest, and sweetest dog, our 110 lb Golden rescue dog went to the corner of our yard and just sat down.  Sat still.  Wouldn't come in.  He sat in this spot like he had done it hundreds of times before.


So I just let him, and figured he was watching something on the other side of the yard.  I happened to walk by the window when I saw it.  Our very nice but very quiet next door neighbor walked over to the fence and reached into his pocket and handed Finn a biscuit and patted him on the head.  Wow.  And I know the neighbor well enough to know that it was probably a very nice treat, nothing crazy going on, no ulterior motives for all you paranoid people out there!  Haha.

And it just struck me.  He's probably been doing this for Finn for years, and never said anything.  He's admired him before and told us he's a pretty dog, but wow.  What a kindness.  Random acts of kindness even extended to animals!  Love it. 

So, who are you when I'm (or anyone) is not looking?  Do you do the right thing? Do you do nice things even though others may never see it? 

Even at the minimum - have good manners and a smile for a stranger?  I've talked about random acts of kindness before, but what about just who you are when no one is watching.  I think that speaks louder than what you do in front of an audience. 

Think about it.  And then, while your kids are out playing, sneak a peak at them and see who they really are around others when they think mom is not looking.  Are they nice? Are they bullies?  Do they give treats to random neighbors (or their dogs)? You can learn loads about them from a birds eye view.

So, I ask you - who are you when I'm not looking??

Cop's Wife

There are several things that define people.  You know what I mean.  If you met someone new and had one minute to tell them who you were, you have a list of things you would say.

Like me, I always say, "Happily Married for ___ years, Irish twins - a boy and a girl, ages 6 and 7, lived in Northern VA my whole life, 6 heart surgeries, on my 3rd pacemaker, writing my first book...oh and my husband's a cop."  I mean, it varies, depending on the situation, sometimes its a lot more, sometimes its much less.  But I almost always mention the fact that I am a Cop's wife. 

He gets a badge, but I feel like I wear one too.  I think what defines you is what is a huge part of your daily life. And Josh being a cop is a HUGE part of my daily life.  And it gives me an extreme sense of pride being able to say that. 

People always have stories to share and questions to ask when they hear that. It's like having the pacemaker.  But more people know about and have experience with cops than pacemakers.  Here's the thing though, theres a disconnect I have  every morning when I wake up and he's off to patrol.  He starts his shift at 5:30 am, and I am usually up shortly after that. And while I know he's at work, I don't allow myself to think about what he's facing.  I assure myself every morning he's got his (bullet proof) vest on, and his gun securely attached to his belt.  The vests are hot and heavy and uncomfortable, but a bullet is a lot more uncomfortable.  So that was one of the things he promised me when he became a cop - that he would ALWAYS keep his vest on, even in the Africa-like heat.  I also avoid the news on the days he's on shift.  I don't want to know if there's an active shooter in the county.  I don't want to know. 

On the rare occasion he's come home late with no word, I start picturing his Lieutenant's car arriving at my door with bad news, just like you see in the movies or on 48 Hours Mystery. It's hell when he's late. But that hardly ever happens, and now that he's learned to text, I almost always know what time he will be home. 

It's also hard when I hear of the verbal abuse he gets from County citizens.  On more than one occasion, he's been in a 7-11 getting a bottle of water or a soda - NEVER EVER A DONUT - and people have walked up to him and said, "What are you doing in here? My taxes pay your salary!! Get back in your car!"  Seriously???  I want to scream and go on a rampage when I hear about that kind of stuff.  I mean he literally puts his life on the line for these a**holes? What?

But then, there are the times when we are out and he's in uniform, like the time he showed up at my son's field trip - and little kids were shyly walking up to him in awe.  Asking him questions and stuff.  That makes it all better. 

And then of course, there's the HOT factor too.  It's hot having a handsome cop for a husband.  What can I say? I'm a healthy, red blooded, mid-30's (okay later 30's) married woman! And its just hot!

But seriously, I know I've become a member of a lifelong club.  The cops, their wives/husbands, their kids, we are all one huge family.  I never doubt for a second I could call any of his squad members for anything (and I don't even know all of them) and they would be here in a second.  Josh says its a brotherhood, similar to being a soldier.  You learn to take a bullet for them, and they will for you too.  That kind of devotion a strong family makes.

I'm only 8 years in, so we have a long road ahead of us.  But I love it. I love being a Cop's wife.  So, don't mess with me.  Ha ha. 

Love, Bionic Mommy

And so I'm back, from outer space...

Hey Y'all.

It's been too long.  My friends are cute, they know I haven't written but they don't say anything. They know me well enough that it bothers me that I don't write, so they don't remind me.  You know how I know? Writing is such a normal part of my conversations with my friends, then it suddenly stops being a topic of conversation when I am not writing.

I've written dozens of entries in my head, but nothing down on blog.  It's disappointing.  But then I just realized, it doesn't matter if every entry is gold, it just matters that I keep writing. This Spring, has been a wonderful one.  So much better than last Spring. Last Spring, if you recall, I had 2 heart surgeries, and one spanking new pacemaker.  I was mostly bedridden, and then we fell towards Foreclosure by Summer due to this.

Not so this year!  Things are looking up!  I am still saving up to write my book!  I am more than halfway there! If you haven't done so and feel moved to, I am still taking donations! See paypal info on the right.

I've also taken a new direction career-wise, and its thrilled me to no end.  I didn't think it was possible to fall in love with a job. I just thought it was something you showed up for, and did a good job, and (hopefully) got paid and recognized for it. 

This is something completely different.  I've begun work with The Arc of Loudoun.  It's a wonderful  non-profit that provides services and support to people with disabilities.  I'm currently working in one of the schools there, The Aurora School, which is a school for kids with disabilities, primarily autism.  I've never been privy to such an environment.  I cannot tell you how this has changed me already.  I feel like my life has already changed.  This is a place of hope.  Have you ever worked somewhere where there's just this hum going? A humming of hope? Of joy?

Here we are, mired in our day to day lives, beeping at the annoying people in traffic, texting, over caffeinated, rush rush rushing through life - and not knowing there are places out there where people are just working for the good? All of us - just with one common goal - to improve the life of a child?  I tell you, its a heady experience.

I've never worked anywhere where I've felt like this.  And I don't want to leave at the end of the day, and I can hardly wait to get there.  This is work? Wow. 

Sign me up for the next 20 years man.  Awesome stuff.  Grateful for this chance.

And so I'm back, from outer space.  (ThanksGloria Gaynor)... I'm doing more than surviving these days.  It's SO nice.