Mine Are Brass

I have a shirt that says that. "Mine are Brass."  My mother HATES it when I wear it.  Most people do a double take because they don't believe they read it right,  then there are others who laugh and smile. And then there are others who don't get it.  I've been asked, "What are brass?" Me: "My balls.  I have brass balls."  Crickets.  Oh well, if you don't get it, you don't get it.  And that's okay.

I've had to learn to be tough (yet never cruel) when I got sick.  Around my 18th -19th birthday.  I remember specifically one night, I overheard a conversation between my best friend and my high school boyfriend (now college boyfriend).  My BFF said, "She could have a brain tumor.  No one knows whats going on.  She could be dying.  She's passing out everywhere and no one knows why."  And the boyfriend sighed, "It's not a tumor."  And thats all he said. 

I remember it clearly, because its when I started to learn about people in my life. 

When times get tough, you either rise to the occasion or you do not.   It was becoming increasingly clear that my boyfriend was not prepared to rise.  My bff was.  But the boyfriend wasn't.  He was young, just discovering his freedom in college, and didn't need a potentially terminally ill girlfriend.  He just didn't rise.  By the time came two years later when I had my first heart surgery, and got a pacemaker, he was long gone.  I will always wish him well, but I will never forget the fact that he didn't rise.

In life there are the lessons that we remember.  I remembered when I heard him dismiss the tumor idea, something broke inside of me and said, "You're on your own now.  You better figure this out."  I began a very vigorous journey of specialist to specialist to figure out what was wrong with me.  Thus, began me having Brass Balls.  (I'm giggling right now as I type this, because I can just hear my mom cringing that I am writing these words). I'd had to advocate for myself from the beginning.  My mom would sit there with her jaw open as I would recite my medical history without flinching or pausing.  I know my file backwards and forwards.  But - I had to - no one was gonna do it for me.

I've had so many experiences in life that have needed me to rise for myself.  And my family.  And I'm getting a little tribe of folks behind me right now.  The people that are rising with me in this journey towards my book.  You are either rising or you aren't.  It took balls to ask for financial help.  I still cringe when I think of how vulnerable I feel asking for money from my friends, readers, family.  But, I need it.  And I won't give up.

So here's to my supporters.  My readers, my friends, my loves.  Strap 'em on, dearies. xoxo