I Am Who I Am

I am who I am.

And each year, I am learning more and more about who that is. I am 37, almost 38.  Still clinging onto the baby weight, even though the baby is now 6.  I am 6 months away from my 20 year high school reunion.  Of which, (if you know me, this shouldn't be a surprise) I am the chairperson.  My husband and I didn't date in high school, but we were in the same class.  At our 10 year reunion, everyone got Josh mixed up with my high school sweetheart John, because they were good friends, in the same crowd.  So, at the reunion, everyone seemed excited I married my HS sweetheart, even though I didn't.  Time does that to people.  Blurs the lines a bit.  Makes things seem a little fuzzy. 

I am a true artist.  Because I can't NOT create. I. Can. Not. Stop. If I'm not writing, I'm making jewelry, or scarves, or something.  Or I'm writing my next blog entry in my head. Yesterday it was recycled bracelets out of cut up plastic water bottles, colored tissue paper and modge podge. My house is always a mess.  I'm not proud of it.  But, at the same time, there are so many other things I'd rather be doing than clean my house.  It's true.

I hate shoes. I rarely wear them.  I don't even own a pair of high heels.  Not one pair.  Josh loves this about me.  I even wore white Keds to my wedding. And while I make jewelry, pretty much any and all kinds of jewelry, I don't wear much.  Currently the only jewelry I wear is my Medic Alert bracelet (which I restrung with 3 strands of rainbow colored seed beads) and my husband's wedding band. He has our wedding date tattooed on his ring finger.  Hot. On occasion (and if I can find a matching pair) I wear earrings.  But not much.  Definitely not blingy.  Not a blingy girl.  I can be - but not generally.

I'm waiting for Stacy and Clinton (from What not to Wear) to pop out of the bushes any day now.  I get teased from my mother and my sis in law that I've got to dress up! Take those sweats off! Take that ponytail down! But right now I am in "mommy mode" - chances are my clothes are going to get covered in some kind of kiddie gunk so why wear nice pretty stuff? When I get back into the real world, I will certainly change clothes, but while I am toting kids from place to place, whats the point?

If the weathers nice, and I'm in the car, I am singing at the top of my lungs with the windows down.  I don't care who sees me.  I can't sing to save my life, but that doesn't stop me from enjoying every moment.  Currently my favorite songs are "The Story" not Brandi Carlisles version, but Sara Ramirez's from Grey's Anatomy The Song Beneath the Song.  And "Never Been Any Reason" from Head East - a very old song, originally released in 1975.  But I love it.  So, I'm blasting those songs usually.  I always have a beverage by my side.  I had an old friend who used to call me "Drinks".  I always had a drink.  Water, soda, coffee.   I don't drink alcohol.  I just don't have a taste for it.  Not to say I won't, but in general, I don't.

My blackberry is like an extra limb.  Always, always within reach. However, I don't actually like talking on the phone.  I much prefer texting,emailing, facebooking.  Because I can still do other things at the same time, and when I'm talking on the phone you can tell if I'm not paying attention.

I've had 6 heart surgeries, 3 pacemakers, 2 near death experiences.  It forever changed me as a person.  My life will never be the same after these experiences.  Because of this, I know there is a heaven.  I know and can go on every day with this knowledge tucked safely in my heart.  I've got 2 amazing children.  I've got a husband that most women dream they had.  He cooks.  HE cooks.  Most of the meals, my husband prepares.  He does laundry.  He's hilarious and hot.  He's my best friend.  He's a cop.  'Nuff said.

This is a lot of info about me.  But its only like 2% of what I could say.  My point is, I am who I am. I am hopeful.  I am me.  I am in love with my husband and my kids.  I am grateful for my girlfriends who have become my family. 

I have so much to say.  I have a lot to share.  Which is why I am pursuing my life's dream of writing a book.  I need to do this.  I have had a wonderful opportunity to write with the amazing David Hazard.  To be mentored by him costs $4000.  I am taking donations.  I am up to nearly $1700.  Almost halfway there.  To my friends and fans who have donated - you are making my dreams come true.  Your support means everything to me.  It's been surprising and wonderful to see who has donated.  It's been all friends and fans.  My friends and fans have now become my family.  Because its not about the money, its about the support of my dream.

Your faith in me is what makes me believe I can do this.  And this book that I write, will be dedicated to all of you. Remember, I am taking donations right here, on this site!

With so much love (and HOPE), Bionic Mommy